I was having some issues with depression and a sense of being lost. I had been using prescription medication and self-medication for coping but it wasn't working anymore. I just wasn't at peace with myself. I wasn't a very thoughtful person or considerate of other people's needs. I would say I was aloof and cold in relationships. I opened up a lot. Opening up was not part of how I wanted to do things. I was able to open up and understand things that were going on inside me. How people operate and how they operate in a healthy way and how they can get off the path. It was important to come to understand how I came to be the person I am, which was, I basically had to raise myself. I had to figure out everything by myself. “It’s just what you're supposed to do.” It left me with a lack of self-worth. I’ve spent my life looking for that sense of worth and comfort. I didn’t give myself permission to ask for help. How I related to my kids was a manifest of how my parents related to me. This has changed as I worked with you. All parents do the best they can at some level, but on some objective scale, they could have used a little better training. I would say my parents were absent or handicapped in one way or another. I was doing the same thing with my children. I think my relationships have improved a lot and I think I'm more considerate of people that I work with and less combative. I would say that the people that know me well see the new effort that I make to be more present and available emotionally for them.. My relationship with myself is very key to the rest of it and you have to be more accepting of yourself and you have to accept all facets of yourself to have that greater comfort level in life. I think self-acceptance is a big part of it because we all make mistakes and we have to accept that we make mistakes and others make mistakes and we have to not condemn and judge, we just have to understand and accept the process.
I think you're very good at what you do. I think you've got a native ability to understand people and what people need to understand about themselves to begin a dialogue and to make them comfortable. You have a distinct approach. You have a very intuitive understanding. You're great at listening. You're great at communicating. You're great at putting ideas forward. You're not pressuring or forceful, and you do get people to look at things in a different way. I think you're good at opening people up, opening their minds and getting them to think about new ways of doing things and better ways of doing things. You're someone a person can feel comfortable with being vulnerable with and opening up.
I felt angry and frustrated for some years now. I couldn't seem to get any cooperation or enthusiasm with my daughter. I found that very challenging because I felt very strongly that my grandson needed, and we all needed help, in trying to help him. I needed a way to try to back off from everything, to understand what it was that I needed to do as a mother to try to have a better communication and understanding with others. I've always felt that I needed to speak my mind and what is in my heart, but that doesn't seem to have gotten me very far. It pushed my daughter and I further apart. My husband responded, yet not really in a way that I felt deeply heard. You helped me realize that I needed to take a step back and that it was okay to do the things that I needed to do for me. It was okay for me to not try to fix my daughter, and better for me to try to respect her own decision-making for her journey. Allow her the dignity of her own process. I've become more aware. These things have come into to my awareness because of talking with you, and also a continued awareness that that's something that I need to work on and think about every day. It is a work in progress for me. The idea of self-compassion has become more prominent and that was something I was able to give myself permission to do. Take care of me. My grandson is not the total center of my attention when he comes over every day. I can tend to me as well. A balance has returned. That's easy to say, not so easy to do in reality. Guilt would arise, and I was assured that it was healthy for me to do me. Simple, but not easy.
You are a very kind person that listens very well, and you actually pay attention for the full session. I find that amazing. You seem to pick up on things that make me think about things differently. I think you grow to be in tune to what I'm going through and talking about, and seem to be able to gather information to help me think about things and move through my experiences, my life. I would say there's a lot that can be done to help, and I know just the person!
I'm going to measure it out like a football field. One starts at one end of the football field and one tries to get to the goal line. It takes time, a lot of time. One doesn’t get to a certain number of years in marriage and then it’s all coasting from there. It takes effort and willingness and work. Commitment. A lot was learned and a lot was gained by staying in the game and trying to work on us. And it's a continuation. We've been married nearly 30 years and it’s a constant refresher and working on things that are important to keep the communication open and fresh. Communication. My partner suffered from financial insecurity growing up and we had to learn what that meant for her and me. It is opening up those communication lines and understanding what that is for one’s partner, how I communicate and act when it comes to a money decision in relationship to my partner’s needs, as well as my own. Awareness. More awareness that things can't be left unsaid, they need to be said. I've learned so much about communication and how that matters to a relationship. “Stuff needs to be aired out” Big or small, because if they are not spoken about, they build up over time and get way blown out of proportion. A top breakthrough would be the awareness around the inner child work that's led me to be able to see where things are coming from on a deeper level and not reacting in the same way as I did as a child/teenager. i.e. my dad was an alcoholic and would unexpectedly rage at us kids in between normal behavior. When my partner unexpectedly withdraws, doesn’t communicate, I can go back to being a little kid, not knowing what may happen, when, and act out my childhood fear on my partner. I would say that third party help is highly recommended. I would start really there. And I would say if you can get the other person/partner to agree to it, you need to work with somebody. Those are genuine words that I know and can imagine how other people might get that they're just not going to solve it on their own. Working with you to help with the communications and sorting out the different issues, finding out what those childhood issues are and working on that inner child with each individual per person. And though it sounds like a whole lot of work it's better than the alternative! Divorce!
You are highly skilled, highly capable, have a lot of awareness, and have life experience that help with your understanding of what the issues might be to work through. Tireless on making each person gain insight into what they're doing/patterns and encouraging each person to step into action to bring about those needed changes/shifts.
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